Launching a book series for the second time with a larger press after issues with a small press has felt like trying to get remarried and being afraid to celebrate again with people. They already showed up the first time. Been there, done that, already gave a gift, moving on.
I, too, have a complicated relationship with my mother and your words are so poignant. My mom’s volatile personality has significantly dimmed as her Alzheimer’s has progressed, giving me time to reflect on the positive ways she impacted my life, without the overwhelming aspects of her personality making me want to retreat. Hugs to you for all the ways you’ve thrived -- you are amazing! ❤️
Hugs right back ❤️ My mother was an amazing person to many people, including me. However, she also had dissociative identity disorder, PTSD, and was a recovering alcoholic from severe childhood trauma, which meant when she was triggered she would give away all her belongings and move, sometimes even into a shelter. In the last year of her life, she moved 6 times. Being around her too much made me feel so unstable. She loved her children and grandchildren, though, and would’ve done anything to see us happy.
As I got older, it became more difficult for me to see how my mom treated my sweet dad, and how she treated my adult siblings. And I’ve thought a lot about my inability to set boundaries with my mom. Like yours she would do absolutely anything for her children and grandchildren, but being around her was always so difficult. And I wonder about the generational impact, even when my siblings and I strive to give our families a different experience. Most of all we need to remember to be kind to ourselves. And enjoy the relationships that enrich our lives now. We can’t choose our families, but we can choose who to keep close in our adult lives. 💕
Thanks! Yes, compared to my first time publishing when I felt tentative and a little ashamed of the spotlight, I’m trying to own it and be proud of myself.
I was crying when writing the post—but good tears that need to be processed and released. My newest mantra is “feel your feelings.” I usually intellectualize them. Took me 40+ years to realize that doesn’t fully help.
I, too, have a complicated relationship with my mother and your words are so poignant. My mom’s volatile personality has significantly dimmed as her Alzheimer’s has progressed, giving me time to reflect on the positive ways she impacted my life, without the overwhelming aspects of her personality making me want to retreat. Hugs to you for all the ways you’ve thrived -- you are amazing! ❤️
Hugs right back ❤️ My mother was an amazing person to many people, including me. However, she also had dissociative identity disorder, PTSD, and was a recovering alcoholic from severe childhood trauma, which meant when she was triggered she would give away all her belongings and move, sometimes even into a shelter. In the last year of her life, she moved 6 times. Being around her too much made me feel so unstable. She loved her children and grandchildren, though, and would’ve done anything to see us happy.
As I got older, it became more difficult for me to see how my mom treated my sweet dad, and how she treated my adult siblings. And I’ve thought a lot about my inability to set boundaries with my mom. Like yours she would do absolutely anything for her children and grandchildren, but being around her was always so difficult. And I wonder about the generational impact, even when my siblings and I strive to give our families a different experience. Most of all we need to remember to be kind to ourselves. And enjoy the relationships that enrich our lives now. We can’t choose our families, but we can choose who to keep close in our adult lives. 💕
What great analogies!
I noticed on Saturday when you reached out to readers passing by...I heard you say "I'm the author" with authority. Kudos to you. You SHOULD be proud.
And this post made me cry. Thank you for sharing 💙
Thanks! Yes, compared to my first time publishing when I felt tentative and a little ashamed of the spotlight, I’m trying to own it and be proud of myself.
I was crying when writing the post—but good tears that need to be processed and released. My newest mantra is “feel your feelings.” I usually intellectualize them. Took me 40+ years to realize that doesn’t fully help.