Thanksgiving, Leaves, and Change

The view from my writing office before all the leaves fell

My youngest came home from freshman year of college for Thanksgiving, and she’s already showing so much growth and independence from living in another state for a few months. It was wonderful to see her again and reconnect.

However, for anyone who kept up with my personal posts this fall, I hadn’t fully experienced empty nest since I had to drop one kid off at college and then suddenly fly out to California when my oldest daughter was hospitalized for a month and required a life-saving major surgery. (She’s doing wonderful now, thankfully!)

So after Thanksgiving was over, we decorated the tree together, and then my youngest went back to college after only a few short days. That night, when I plugged in the tree and all the lights illuminated my dim living room, I burst into uncontrollable sobs. The joyful family decorations, including some from my mother who is no longer here, and the quiet of my home hit all at once—too many memories, too bittersweet.

Photo by Madison Kaminski on Unsplash

If you don’t process empty nest during initial drop off, no worries. It’ll come for you.

The good news, it only lasted that night, and then I was fine. I think because my husband and I have already been alone for two months in an empty home and found a new good groove together, I knew that I could find joy in this new stage of life. The joke in the house is that we made our kids so independent, our little birds flew farther away, and maybe we should’ve been less encouraging LOL.

But in reality, they are close to our hearts, always. I still keep in mind the advice of a friend: the nest is never empty. The nest is inside you.

Looking out my writing office window, the leaves have all fallen from the trees, and autumn has turned to winter. We have a small, recessed yard with a stone wall in the back, and somehow all the neighborhood trees always lose their leaves and blow into our yard. This fact usually infuriates my husband. But this year, he finally didn’t argue with the wind.

Change is only as hard as we resist it. There’s a grace in letting go of the false sense that we have control over it. And in that acceptance of change is also a form of abundance, if we allow it in.

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Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

On the writing front, my agent has decided to start subbing my young adult Christmas romance to publishers. Sending a manuscript out is an exciting stage to reach, but it comes with a distant, gnawing anxiety whether or not it’ll find a home. So fingers crossed!

Meanwhile, this February, I’ll be talking on panels and signing books at the Teen Bookfest By The Bay in Corpus Christi, Texas. Come by if you are in the area!