Summer rest and finding my creative self again
The weirdest part of being on vacation is convincing my nervous system that it’s okay to rest. I’m writing this post on my second official day of summer vacation from teaching, and it’s always a much needed time of year for me to rest, recover, and find my groove again.
Sort of.
Ask any teacher how they feel during the first week of summer vacation, and I bet they will look at you, and smile, and then seem dazed and confused. We crash with depleted energy, then our brains search for projects to do because we’ve been on full throttle for months, planning and accounting for every minute in the school day, and that’s the only mode it knows.
Sure, vacation is wonderful and freeing, but it’s hard to readjust to an unstructured pace of a quiet house. Compared to the rigid bell schedule and the constant stress of trying to motivate 150+ disgruntled teenagers for 180 days to read and write and remain hopeful for the future, it’s like falling in slow motion off a stress cliff and landing in molasses.
So how do I fucking relax?
I know what I’m supposed to do (meditate, yoga, write, etc.), but all I’m doing is slothing out reading books and streaming shows.
But that’s exactly what I need to do to ease into summer—take an actual break. I usually give myself a week off and start the summer doing whatever I feel like without judgment. My bullet journal will remain blank, and I will allow myself to wallow and wander so I can rediscover my personal inner pace.
I started reading A Botanical Daughter by Noah Medlock, and I love it so far. It’s a Frankenstein retelling…with plants! The English teacher/gardener in me is quite amused. It’s Victorian, queer, dark, and clever, and I’m trying to read it slowly to make it last.
On television, I’ve been enjoying Resident Alien (comedy), Bridgerton (romance), and Good Girls (dark comedy/drama)—all very different guilt pleasures.
My oldest daughter also worked as the assistant editor on the Netflix documentary, Ahead of the Curve, about the founder of the lesbian magazine, Curve, so we watched it together. In honor of Pride month, check it out on Netflix and give it some love!
It’s been almost one year of empty nesting, and I remember how much dread I felt last year at this time. To those of you out there beginning the process, I promise it gets so much better. After the holidays and winter gloom passed, when spring returned, my heart felt lighter and being alone no longer seemed daunting and depressing. I had to keep in mind what we were all gaining rather than focusing on what we were losing. It also helped that my youngest had a wonderful freshman year, making many new friends, so I could let go of worrying about her adjusting to life in another state.
She’s home for the summer, and she’s changed for the better—more mature, more independent, and still funny and kind. I am realizing the paradox of motherhood: The more I let my adult children go, the stronger they grow, and the deeper our relationship becomes.
It still would be nice if they all lived closer, though! :)
My garden has really blossomed this year due to all the rain this spring. Check it out!
Unfortunately, weeds have flourished, too. I am choosing to ignore them out of sheer exhaustion. The mosquitos are also in full force early this year, so I need a solution that doesn’t hurt bees. Any suggestions?
On the publishing front, I have exciting news that I can’t talk about yet, and disappointing news that I can’t talk about yet. Being stuck between those two opposing feelings has made me dread and avoid writing throughout May. I’m sure I’ll get my summer creative self back soon once I get off this emotional roller coaster of good news coupled with bad news.
People think disappointment fucks with productivity, but ironically, so does success.
I’m working on my next standalone YA sci-fi, FIREWALL (it was tentatively titled INTERFACE, but I think FIREWALL is better). I’m at 10K, and I’m shooting for 70K. My agent is already waiting for this manuscript, so I need to put a good dent in it this summer.
But you know what? I’m not going to pressure myself right now. I’ve had so much change in the past year, I need time to smell the roses first.
Your blooms are gorgeous! 💕 rest and recharge, you deserve it! 💕
Enjoy your time off. I like that Firewall title.